Home again... or not

We are home now about 30 hours from trip two into PaP Haiti.
As always, re-entry is challenging.
Not for the same reasons each time, but nonetheless challenging.

Too soon to speak specifics, but for sure... it has messed me up.

I am restless again.
Restless with what I thought, and now wonder if I really know anything.

Fellow Americans, my biggest question:
Why do we have so much opportunity and why do we get to choose how, when and where our life can change? Why do we have so much RESOURCE to squander? WHY?

Ok, more questions...
How do we live without regard to the struggles that exist to survive around the world as though we know nothing? HOW?

When will be be sure that we have done all we can in this life to share the grace and forgiveness that has been shown to us. What does that look like? How much of ourselves can we yet give away? How can we make that happen, how can we make sure that happens?

How can we get our neighbors to care for others and hurt for others when we, as a people, are so distracted by stuff that does not even matter?

How do I fit back into my life and work as though I have not seen what I have seen, and know what I know. How do I fit, when I am different?

Not sure yet.
But know that God is stirring something up in me, and as unpleasant as it is to figure it out, I like it when God does something transformational in me. It always turns out nice.

Things that have not changed:
I love God more than ever.
I love my family more than I can express.
I love this life that I have given God, and he has given back to me.
I do not know what is next, but know that God is already there.

I miss Haiti.